Thoughts (like poison, they are) on Twilight. November 22, 2008

GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OH GOD ITS HORRIBLE HORRIBLE AAHHHHHHHHHHHH! BAWWWWWWWWWW!

Ahem.

To wit:

Twilight is the cancer killing literature, higher intelligence and cultural evolution in this day and age.

Okay, maybe cancer is a bit strong. At least people are reading, right? Maybe its just a benign cyst, or maybe a tumor still, but it won’t metastasize and can be mostly removed with horribly invasive surgery or put into remission by pumping plutonium through your veins.

But if it is a tumor, its in the brain, and the surgery will accidently destroy your motor skills (you will know tons of synonyms for the word “said”, but you most likely use, like, the word, like, “like”, like a lot. Like.). And if its a cyst, its not hidden. Its like one of those giant cysts that people have growing on their forehead, or chin, or on the nape of their neck, that grows to about the size of a small bowling ball (like we would use as kids under the blacklights at birthday parties, throwing them at a smaller number of smaller pins, the birthday boy all crying in his party hat because he threw a gutterball or a 7-10 split). But people will never call you ugly. They will call you strong. Or independant. Or alternative. Or beautiful in your own way. But in their head they are wondering if its contagious.

I don’t think anyone would accuse Twilight of being well written. Not to mention it’s just such a badly veiled allegory for abstinence it makes my head hurt. But it has this intellectual halo effect that is easy to see and hard to understand.

First off, who would want to see this, the worst vampire story of the year, when they could go see the best vampire story of the year with Let the Right One In. Thats like preferring Free Willy over Moby Dick. 

Secondly, why are people I consider intelligent investing so heavily in trash? Many of these people are in university, and others are just smarter than that. 

Thirdly, it bleeds into other areans. Check out the song and video Paramore did for the movie. Tiffer and I came across it channel surfing, and he was rather adroit in wondering why any artist would want to create a 7 year old sound, one we dealt with back when Ben Affleck wore red tights and horns. Daredevil came hand in hand with that Evanesence song everybody loved so much. Thats fine, I understand pop music and its machinations, but the overall tone and general acceptibility of this inaffectual tween drama seems to have thrown us back into a 2001 sound. Tonally I guess it fits, but its almost embracing recycling old (and crappy) music trends, akin to scoring Zodiac with a Cure song off Disintigration. 

I don’t get it. But this guy sure does (click to enlarge if you can’t read it):

Ugh.